Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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