There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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