a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
