Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hotel room ftw
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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