i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
