This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
not ubering you a puppy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
