i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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