I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize