I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
