I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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