he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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