Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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