Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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