Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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