so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
