Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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