i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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