After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
