I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
