I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
