i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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