ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
