I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
