i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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