Its about making memories worth repressing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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