the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
