Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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