I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
a search helicopter?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
