brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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