I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
