i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize