another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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