They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
