You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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