You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
