bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
