Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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