just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
