It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
