new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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