Sponge bath it is.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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