At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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