yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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