alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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