I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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