I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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