At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
