You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
