i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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