Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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