I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
its liver damage thursday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
