Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
what day is it and did you see me today?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
