he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
