Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
