I think im going to throw up on grandma
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
