we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
