I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
