So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
