Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
