Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize