What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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