Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
